Imagine you are sitting at a sidewalk café.

A man carrying a pile of books trips and the books go flying.

The woman at the next table rushes up to help him very concerned.

The man at another table mutters, “what a klutz, what an idiot.”

And his dining companion thinks it’s very funny.

Three people see the same thing but have very different reactions.

Why? Because they see the world through very different frames shaped by their experiences with family, friends and colleagues and the mass and social media they consume.

Frames are built on what we value, financially and emotionally.

The woman who leaped up to help values caring.

The man who thought the man a klutz, values control and self-discipline.

And the woman who laughed is a free spirit and doesn’t take life too seriously.

When we seek to influence others, we have to understand the frames through which they see they world.

Too often we lead with facts trying to persuade them to see our point of view. And it doesn’t work.

Because when the facts don’t match the frame, guess what, it’s the facts that get thrown out.